Family?

That idea, family, what is it and what does it mean? Good question...thought I might look that up, and so I did. There is the obvious: group of related individuals and so on and so forth, but the one that grabs my heart especially right now is this definition: a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together



This week, this month, this year, what is important to me, and who is important to me has taken a radically different turn. Much of that is the result of the flood. When your life is in total chaos, ruins of wet clothes, books, furniture, mementos, and everything else is laying on the ground before you, you take stock. What is really valuable? Mementos represent memories, but they aren't the memories themselves. Stuff can be replaced, but much of it needn't be-didn't really need it in the first place... and there is people. People can't be replaced, but God sure knows how to comfort a hurting heart. That brings me to what family is to me...and how it relates to where I am right now.



This week was a blurr...so much going on with so many obstacles. When Tonia went in the hospital on Thursday, my heart went into meltdown. We should have taken her on Tuesday, but really thought it was a mixture of lack of sleep, dehydration, and blood pressure. We tried to treat the headaches dealing with all of those things, but to no avail. It didn't turn out to be any of those things, so here I am on Thursday with a full day planned, and Steve and I are playing tag team with Tonia at the emergency room. She complained-told us we didn't have to stay with her. I told her, I knew that, but we weren't leaving her alone. So, here is how the day went.



Tonia told us at just after 11 that her counselor insisted she go to the emergency room. I had plans and could not take her, so Steve loaded her and Caitlyn and they left. Kat, Carol, and I went shopping. It took us several hours to get what we needed and get back. We walked back in around 4:30. I got everything set up for the barbecue, left instructions with Jon and Kat, called Steve and headed up to the hospital. He came back and went to work. I sat there with Tonia, just her and I chatting for an hour or so. As the time for the bbq drew near, and I knew people would be arriving...I began to feel my heart being torn between the need to be in two places at once. I couldn't leave Tonia, and I knew that my family could handle this barbecue, but I wanted to be with them too.

Tonia was taken to get an MRI which left me alone in the room. I sat and sat and sat....too still...too quiet...and the meltdown came. I was flooded with emotion and cried. We are talking near hysterics. I called home to see how it was going, still fighting with emotion, and asked to talk to Shawna. She got on the line; she listened to me cry, she encouraged me...she told me she had it all under control. She was there, not because she was our wedding coordinator, but because we are family, and that is what family does.

Now here is the thing...Shawna is no blood relation, but this year she has been with me through every moment. She has loved me, let me cry, let me be unreasonable, been honest, supportive, carried my burdens when I couldn't, and when no one else would. That is what has mattered, not that we are blood, but that she loves me and is there. Presence matters. It is hard to share a life when you aren't present. And it is hard to share a life when your efforts aren't reciprocated. You know...those relationships where you make a special effort to call, send a card, invite, go see, stop in, drive six hours out of your way just so you can see them, remember a birthday, an anniversary, Christmas, but...no response on the other end. They didn't leave the light on for you, no open door, nope....blood or not....that does not make for a family.

Ironically enough, a family member said out loud in my presence a year back...well commented actually, and it was a comment directed towards my side of the family, that no one wants to make an effort. She indeed hit the nail on the head, but she wasn't describing me. I do make the effort, I have made the effort over and over and over again, for over 20 years. Once in awhile there is a light on....like Katherine's wedding. My brother flew from Alaska to be here and see her get married-light. Another brother and I, despite our conflicts, were able to lay that aside, and he was a great help the day of the wedding-light. Nothing compares to arriving at Olde Oaks at 7:45 am to finish decorating and be dressed by 9, to discover my brother, his wife, others that had committed to helping us all there ready to go doing what they knew to do. I had no worries at all, and I was tremendously blessed by their sweet help and presence-light.

My husband told my mother-in-law once yeas ago when she was complaining about not seeing us for awhile that the road goes both ways. We had been driving to see her, going to church on our own while we were there, but she wasn't making the effort to come to us. That changed that day-she decided to put some effort into the relationship, and our relationship blossomed. The road does indeed go both ways. You don't get to be family when it is convenient. You don't get to be family when you want something. You don't get to be family when you want to be recognized as family. You get to be family when you are willing to be put something into it, when you are willing to get on that road and sacrifice some of your life, lay aside some of your pride, lay aside your hurt feelings, your dreams, your desires, your misconceptions, yourself-you....that is what Shawna has done all year, she has put aside her life for mine, and she did it when my blood family was MIA. She isn't the only one in my life that is true of...and one more thing....

That night, Thursday, I was sitting in the emergency room with Tonia because I count her my sister, and I love her. While I was there, Tami was texting me to see how I was doing and how she was doing. She told me that there was a lot of people at my house. She said you have so many people in your life, there is so much about you I don't know. Today, the day after the wedding, she text me to see how I was doing, and she reminded me that I am blessed. I forget sometimes....but I am. There are alot of people who share my life, who love me despite me, who let me be me. Katherine had the perfect wedding and that is why...people who share our lives were there....those are the people we count as family. Not blood, but family. (And Tami, we have shared so much together...there really isn't much you don't know!!!!)