Social Programming?

I was sitting in church last night and noticed this newlywed couple a few rows up. The wife has rather long hair and the husband definitely has a thing about that. He plays with her hair the entire time he is sitting with her. So...I glance around. I notice an older married couple up on my left. They are sitting kind of sideways, the husband on the left of the wife. She too has longer hair (at least than mine) and he too is playing with her hair.

I like to play with my hubbie's hair, but have never really thought about him playing with mine. I am always running my fingers through his, but thought and thought and thought....does he play with my hair? He has always been ok with mine being shorter. I keep mine shoulder length or thereabouts because mine is so thin and it is just not pretty long. Not to mention, it is so straight that I can't do anything with it when it is longer.

We get home from church and are sitting on the loveseat. He is on my right (he is almost always on my left), and I am playing on the laptop. He reaches over and starts playing with my hair. For quite some time, I sat there, and he played with my hair.

In literature, hair represents sexuality...hmmmm???? My husband just told me that "they say" (who) that it is sensual for a guy to play with a girl's hair. Well...food for thought...in all of our culture, all those things experts say is taught-you know, gender social programing, how is it that guys still like long hair and can't resist playing with it? Is that gender social programing, or is it something in their genetic code?

Appetites

My hubbie and I have been talking about losing weight forever and a day now, kinda like we have been talking about exercising. Once in awhile we do this heart soup diet for a week. It really works. It not only helps us drop a few pounds (usually 7-10) in the week, but cleanses our pallats of unnecessary appetites. Then....we give in to something sweet: a coke, a glass of sweet tea, a snack of some sort and it is on again.

I was getting dressed for work last night and my pants were really tight. I was disgusted and thought that is it...got to get back on track again. The whole thought made we want to dig into the chocolate covered cherries left over from Valentines. (They were whispering my name). I realized that generally I don't think much about food, but here lately, have felt like I was starving to death and worse yet, was craving junk. End result-we both have put on the weight we lost in January.

Made me think of my appetites, and how what I take in is what I crave. If I take in healthy stuff, I crave healthy stuff, and the opposite is true. It is not only true in my physical life but in my spiritual life as well. When I read my Bible, I want more...when I don't, I don't. So....not a new revelation, but a truth that needs to be applied to my life. My appetites need to be under control. I have to feed myself what I need, not what I want. When I do it correctly, my wants change to reflect my needs as opposed to my wants controlling everything.

Need new discipline...gonna try to tell my wants to take a back seat today! Next week, going on the soup diet again!

I Fall Down and I Get Up

It is so easy to fall, and to keep falling...The righteous man falleth yet seven times and get up again (Tina's paraphrase). I was crusing right along this week, too busy of course, which is something I keep battling-that lack of balance in my life so that what needs to get done does get done, and what doesn't doesn't. I allowed busyness to get the best of me this past week and spent very little time in my Bible. I find that when I do that, my prayers also lack power and focus. They come out more like obligations...got to check this one off my list. I also find that my heart just isn't in it. I lay aside my devotions one day, or do them to check it done, and my heart gets nothing from it. It is just done. That is the kind of week I had-very unproductive in every sence of the word.

No patience, no motivation, no....nothing really got done...and my priorities are to blame for that. So, Valentine's Day came. I really had a great day sharing it with not only my sweetheart, but with my daughter and a few friends. I had to stop and think about what I was doing this time last year. Well, let me tell you. Last year, we made hundreds of valentine cookies for school. We spent days with cookies and icing everywhere. The night before, three students stayed the night, and we all made cookies until early in the morning. Then we got up, boxed it all up, and went to school. It was an adventure and a fond memory. I don't remember if Steve and I did anything that day to celebrate. This year we spent time working on the house, stopping every so often to cuddle, talk, and just be together. After a long day, we took a shower and got into our matching jammies. We enjoyed a finger food dinner while we watched Fireproof.

Was pretty tired come Sunday and needed a nap. We napped between services, convincing ourselves we really needed to get up to make evening service. We did and as tired as we were, am so glad we did. Our pastor really challenged our hearts from the story of Hezekiah. Steve and I talked on our way home about it. We were both amazed that as many times as we have heard that story, the application had never been presented. God left Hezekiah so that Hezekiah could see what was in his own heart. I feel so isolated sometimes. I go through trials and more trials, and then I am aware of what is in my own heart-and I don't usually like it. My heart hurts. Today, I am feeling worthless. I was unfaithful to my God all week. I was too exhausted to be what my husband really needed, and then there is Facebook. I got a facebook in an attempt to bridge the gap, share my life, maybe open some doors between Daniel and I. He was the first person I looked for. He rejected my invitation 3 times, yet he is friends with everyone else we know. I try, he rejects. I keep trying to console myself with all that God has given me, the people God has connected our hearts too. There are people I am communicating with now that I haven't had relationships with in years. We have so many sweet relationships, but we don't have a relationship with our son. Our pastor was right, none of those other relationships replace what is lost. I don't know if I am hurt or angry. I vascillate between wanting it all to go away and wanting to reach out. I fall again into this emotional state that I don't want to be in, and I hear the words again, "Don't let anyone steal your joy." Yep, there again...going to have to get back up.

Power of Words/Power of Prayer

I just finished reading The Yada Yada Prayer Group...great book and can't wait to read the next one in the series! The main character in the book who is managing the prayer egroup realizes how neglectful she is in her prayer life...here she is posting these prayer requests and commenting on them, but she isn't praying. Hmmmm...how many times have I said, "I will pray for you" and don't.

I have the prison ministry prayer book with me this week, and have had it for a week now. I brought it in out of the car and sat down with it this morning with my Bible. (Yes, it has been in my jeep for a week.) I started at the beginning which is weeks worth of prayers and began reading their prayers.

The women in Yada Yada come from a diverse set of circumstances, underprivileged, poor, drug addictions, some having served time in jails, lost their children to child services...and on and on and on...and then the main character who is a white suburban good girl. Granted I am NO white suburban good girl, didn't grow up in a Christian family, wasn't spared my share of trials and temptations which I mostly fell prey to, but I also haven't done any jail time, had a problem with addictions, or lost custody of my kids; however, there is certainly a parallel there.

I am reading through these prayers, heartfelt, honest prayers of these women-real women who have succumbed to a temptation that led right down a path of destruction. My heart grieves for them, and I call out to God for them....and know that they are doing more praying right now than they probably ever have. One said that she "wasn't listening when she was out in the world," and knows God has her there for a reason. She wasn't listening. I can learn from her. I too don't always listen, and find that most people don't. We don't listen to anything but our own voice. We don't hear and we don't know what God has for us.

The power of prayer...stopping to commune with our Heavenly Father-not to just talk, but to listen.

The power of words...it is all about His Word, His Truth...but we make it about us. I make it about me, what I want, when I want it, how I want it. Not listening means I also don't hear and get it all wrong. This morning I was finishing up the book of John. In the last few verses, Jesus is asked a question and He answers with, "...If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow me" (21:22). That message is changed and repeated to something Jesus did not say and the message is corrected, "...yet Jesus said not unto him, He shall not die; but If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee?" (21:23). Someone didn't hear and the message was lost...Jesus says it doesn't matter to you, just follow me. Just follow. The disciples didn't get His Words right...they didn't hear what He was saying to them. Hmmm...If I am going to follow, got to get that right, got to listen, got to really hear, and got to follow!

Lord, my heart has always been towards laying aside the busyness of the life I live for the privilege of prayer, but somehow life keeps getting in the way. So many people are in need of hearing You, and having their understanding opened to your will for them. So many people are in need of you intervening in their lives. These roads we get on don't all lead to you. Lord, set my feet on the path you have planned for me to be on. Guide my footsteps, my thoughts, the moments of my day in such a way that I will hear you and just follow! Make me a prayer warrior, Lord Jesus!

Priorities

The last few weeks have been tests of setting priorities. It has been so busy...and I would have to admit, I haven't kept my priorities straight. Every day has been full beyond my ability to keep up.

I was looking through my blog posts just a sec ago and found this one in my drafts. I have been so busy that I forgot I left it there!

Yes, priorities, that is really the work God must be doing in my life at this time. What is important and what is not? Finding balance to get what is important done is definitely my life challenge. Spending my time and energy where it really matters, and where it doesn't....the question is what does God really want me to do? What does He really have for me today? I was chatting with my friend this weekend on our way to Oklahoma. She is having some struggles, and her struggles reminded me to be the kind of parent, and the kind of friend, and the kind of wife that is able to let go and let the ones I love soar. Letting go is NOT easy. It isn't easy finding a way to let everyone else live however they choose even if they are choosing a destructive path, while trying to keep my own life in right perspective. God...all God...He continues to bring people and circumstances into my life to remind me....Watch those priorities. Keep them in order. God first, husband second....and from there...take a number.

Attitude of the Heart

Today was prison ministry day....I hadn't been in a few weeks so was pretty excited about going today and seeing the ladies. My fearless leader is teaching a series on Revelation, and they love it! Our discussions today led us down lots of roads, one about "once saved always saved." One of our older learned ladies asked about that idea....she couldn't understand how if someone is saved, how can there be no fruit...and is that concept just a license to sin? Hmmm....well, one of the big objectives in this ministry is to teach salvation by grace, and eternal security...and this was an opportunity. The end answer was about the attitude of the heart. If someone really believes in their heart that Jesus Christ died for them, was buried and then rose again the third day, and really accepts the gift of salvation in their heart, then a change is evident. God says, "...if anyone be in Christ, he is a new creature." Our fruit does testify to which tree we belong. Once saved always saved doesn't give us a license to live a life of sin.

That really got me thinking and considering all that was going on in my life right now. The attitude of the heart is everything...not the actions, but where the heart is. Where is my heart? What do I really care about? What has my heart? The answer to those questions determine my actions. The action is just a result of my heart attitude. Hmmm....again....

God really orchestrated my day. I didn't have to work today which meant we weren't rushing to get out of jail (LOL) and get back to the city. We had some time to talk and answer questions. As we were leaving the 2nd Pod, two of the ladies from the 1st Pod were trying to talk to us through the door. The guard opened the door for us where we learned they had forgotten to turn in their correspondence course earlier so gave those to the guard to give to us. She handed them to us, and we gave them the next one in the series. HA....they were chasing us down, trying to catch us, all to get the next study! Wow...wow...and I mean WOW. Still amazed by that...get to the front desk to sign out and the GED instructor is there. He starts telling us how much he appreciates what we do, and all God has been revealing to him. He says that he has noticed a marked difference in them especially over the last three months. That was about the time we started the correspondence course! [Smile] We had no idea what God would do with this, but they asked for a Bible study, our church carries a course that no one was using, and we jumped in. God invited us to join Him in a work He was already doing. We got to respond, and now we get to see Him work in these lives.

We so wanted to shout...to cry...all in amazement. God is so good...so faithful. I looked around today at their faces, trying to put names to faces so I could remember. Mail call came-many stepped out and then back in. Tears streamed down their faces. Suddenly, I felt so small and nothing in my life seemed all that pressing. They are kids, they are adults, they are mothers, sisters, and wives. How did they get to the place they are at, and how do they get out?Attitude of the heart. What changes our heart? God's Word...and it is changing them...and it is changing me.

Inauguration

My kids at Sylvan were discussing the inauguration on Monday...whether they would watch it or not. They would be in school on Tuesday when it all took place. I always wanted my kids to watch and experience history, not just read about it. I remember so many historical happenings that we just stopped "school" to take part in. Some of those include: Going to meet the Russian pilots and tour their plane when they stopped in at Barksdale on a goodwill mission, Being at the dedication of the B2 bomber to the state of Louisiana-they named her the "Spirit of Louisiana," and present were pilots dating way back to World War days, Watching and being on a miltary base during 9/11-an experience none of us will ever forget, watching the impeachment proceedings of President Clinton, watching shuttles take off on tv, visiting the space center in Florida, taking a tour of a shuttle, and then watching it piggy back on its way back to Florida after a brief stop here at Barksdale. Just to name a few....so of course I watched/listened to the inauguration. It made me think of a history professor I had, Dr. Brewer. He could quote inauguration speeches from memory of not only famous presidents, but the not so famous ones. Wondered if he would memorize this one too!

God sets up kings and kingdoms...knowing that removes fear and anticipation of what is going to happen from my thoughts. Change is certainly in store...but one thing never changes-God. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. In this ever moving tide of change that sweeps through my life every day, not just on inauguration day, I can hold on to that truth. My God will still be the same, His word is constant...and I don't need a man to lead the way, I already know the way to go!

Historically speaking...we did make history yesterday. Not all of our history has been something to brag about and only time will tell if this falls into the bad or the good category! Glad I watched...glad I participated in our history....glad I voted...glad I prayed....and now just going to trust in an unchangeable God.