Reality....

And...reality is right around the bend. I can see it-the light-the truth that my world continues to change, evolve if you will. I used to just live...pretty much same o, same o....somewhere around 4 or 5 years back, that all changed. My sons hit high school age, and every year was different than the one before. Steve went to Korea and came back. That year long separation changed the very dynamics of our family. He came back to an 18 yr. old son about to graduate high school and go on to college. I had a hard time adjusting to him taking over again. That same year, I went to work full time and the kids went to school, Katherine for the first time.

I knew that would change our lives, and it did. It seems so long ago now. Robert has been married for two years and has a son. Daniel is going to celebrate his first anniversary pretty soon, and Katherine will be married this year. Empy nest?

I sit and think alot, well actually...I hardly sit, but I do think. I was watching Kat yesterday sewing on Jon's stripes. I was pondering how we raised our children, what we did right, and what we did wrong. I was considering who my children grew up to be. It sure didn't work the way I thought it would. We aren't where I thought we would be right now at this point in our life. My optimism has vacillated between reality and fantasy. From day to day, hard to figure out which one we live in. Today I am on the reality train. My children make, and made choices independent of what I think or would expect. Sometimes I am very proud. Other times I am incredibly deflated and discouraged.

Right now, I am really proud of Katherine. She tends to fall into this "I am an adult" trap and get a bad attitude. I expected that her engagement would begin to feed that again, but she is keeping it in check. She is being respectful, serious, and most of all-standing up for herself. I like that. I am glad she has the strength and courage to speak her heart and mind. She is going to be a sweet wife to Jon, and I am glad I get to take some credit for that. I am thankful most of all. I am thankful that God says He will finish what He has begun in our lives....all of our lives...and I can trust Him to work in His will and His timing! My God sees reality alot different than I do!