Stepping into....

I have spent so much of my life trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life. Goodness, I need to make up my mind!

Wonder if that is a result of getting married at 17 and having all of my children by the time I was 24, the age others are generally just getting started on their families. Here I am at my present age (not exactly young anymore) working on my masters, watching other teacher's manage their classrooms, researching and writing....still trying to weigh exactly what I am going to do.

The MAT doesn't give me any room for mind changing. It is specific. I KNOW I am getting a MAT in Secondary Math...decision made, but then what?

I just started my classroom observations this week. I was so nervous especially about the first one. I was going into an inner city high school with a not so pleasant reputation. I got there, checked in, and the VP told me she would get me a security escort to the room. Hmmm...had to smile at that. Turns out that the principal escorted me. I spent a few hours watching a brand new teacher teach in this less than ideal situation. I was quite impressed with him. He had no textbooks, no administrative support, and no parental support, but he was plugging away. The lesson he taught was completely compiled on his own. Not bad. My next observation was today at a prime middle school. It was a school with all that the first one didn't have. The teacher I observed today had books, had a little more experience, a much larger class, but not a very positive approach towards education.

I have listened to teachers chatting about perfect teaching jobs, where they want to go, who knows who, where openings might be...all that kind of thing. I sit and listen to the rhetoric, and I wonder what about me? I want to be in a place that I can make a difference, where is that, I don't know, but I found myself more excited about being in the inner city school then being in the fully supported middle school. Hmmm....just thinking...what is, what has God been preparing me to do? Where do all these roads lead? When and where do I step out?

Taking a Trip

I got up this morning early to run some stuff to a friend's yardsale. I punched her church address in the gps and let "tom" guide me to the location. He took me down some roads I hadn't been on in my nearly 20 years in this city. I crossed through the heart of the city, full of old historic buildings beautifully restored peppered among new skyrises. An iron fence, black iron lamp posts lining cobblestone walkways and streets, setting the backdrop for this gorgeous city which has managed to blend the old and the new. Then I crossed out of the city into an old neighborhood characterized by very Louisianan shotgun houses.

Houses which were in need of repair: broken down fences, doors and windows covered with !plywood and plastic, paint chipping, old furniture lining the porches and yards. On the way back, I spotted a homeless man under a tree in a makeshift park, an old black lady pulling down laundry off her line running across the front of her porch, a kid sitting in a chair right next to the street listening to a cd player, radio or something of the sorts.

It was an hour round trip-a serene opening to my day. I had a moment of prayer time, and lots of ponder time as I took in my surroundings. It comes on the heels of a week filled with frustration. I have been so overwhelmed with where I am, what is on my plate to do, my living conditions, my crazy schedule, what I should be doing as to opposed to what I am doing, the isolation of not being able or better not feeling like I can just go play with so much looming over my head. Then I took a trip! I got home, took out my Bible and opened a devotional. It spurred a few moments with Power Bible to look up "truth." Truth is not based on what I hear or what I see or my circumstances. Living in truth means living in God's Word. A new look, a new perspective, a look at the old and the new, where I have been and where I am going. A trip is just what I needed to end this week and go into my weekend!

Individualism and Yada Yada!

How important it is to be an individual-not a copy of someone or something! It is an amazing thing to think not two of us are identical in every way, not even twins. God knew that when He created each one of us. If He created us to be individuals, and works in us as individuals, why would He want us to be just like anyone else??? I LOVE that about our God. I LOVE seeing that freedom in people, that comfortableness with themselves and other people around them. I LOVE being in unknown situations where everyone is at ease. That isn't always easy for me. Sometimes the situation just feels awkward, something is hanging in the air, something non tangible, but nevertheless there. One of my goals in my home is to make it as user friendly as possible; a place where people can feel comfortable being themselves. Sometimes I nail that and admittedly, sometimes I don't. I am very glad for when I do! I LOVE it when I am free to be myself and those around me also have that freedom!

I am reading the Yada Yada series which is about a white suburban Christian family who moved to inner city Chicago to be involved in inter-racial ministries. The wife and main character, Jodi, is a teacher who gets involved in this women's conference and prayer group consisting of women from diverse nationalities and religious backgrounds. One is a messianic Jew, several are African or African-American, there is a Japanese college student, a Honduran, a white yuppie, and an ex-con raising her younger brothers. The mix teaches each one how valuable it is to see life through someone else's eyes. Jodi is learning alot about herself from the other women in her group. She is developing a real touchable faith, which is quite different from religion. I find myself identifying with Jodi. It sure is easy to be religious. It is much more difficult to live a life committed to the truth of what I believe and be completely comfortable with that in myself and with others who don't necessary believe like I do. It is a challenge to live in grace and extend grace! I am loving this series and highly recommend it! Take a peek, bet you love it too!

http://www.amazon.com/Yada-Prayer-Group-Book/dp/1591450748

God's Word Covers

One of the ladies I go to the prison with and I was noticing the last few weeks the obstacles in our way concerning this ministry. At first I was looking at them as coincidence, but as we compared notes, we realized that we are under Satanic attack. All of a sudden, both our families, and the ministry itself has been crazy. The guards changed making it difficult for us to get into the pods. Some of our ladies were in lockdown. Several times something out of the blue happened which made it impossible for us to get in. We have had computer problems, lesson issues, and on and on and on. On a personal level, we were rolling along nicely and the attack against us came. I was confused about the chaos until the light bulb came on. God's Word is being spread and the forces of darkness are not happy.

God's Word is growing in the hearts of these women we are ministering to. Yesterday, I felt so bad and did not want to go. I went anyway. Several more women completed our Bible correspondence course and began the next one. And...many of the women are sharing theirs, encouraging others to join in. they go and kept cell mates and introduce them to us asking us if they can do the studies too. We had several new ones yesterday. God's Word will endure forever. It crosses the widest of valleys, the largest of gulfs, and covers the multitude of sins! It changes lives, and to witness that in such a tangible way is nothing short of amazing.

The attacks only confirm that God is in this. He is providing for the needs of these ladies. He loves them and wants them to live their lives for Him, not for themselves. I don't know and will probably never know which lives are truly being changed, but to be a part of it is a joy and privilege. Thank you Lord!