Choices, Choices, Choices

Choices, choices, and more choices. This has certainly been the story of our life for quite some time! Wall colors, paint, trim, flooring, purchasing new vehicles, dealing with family conflicts and issues! I was working on my Sunday School lesson this morning and thinking about choices David made. His sin with Bathsheba affected a multitude of people for many years to come. I am teaching on Absalom today/his life and death as a consequence of the choices David made. How will the choices I am making today affect those I love in the years to follow?

Making the right choice is easier said than done...often it is not a choice between right and wrong but a choice between best and better. Sometimes it is a choice to stay the course, to move in another direction, to hang on or to let go. I am not very good at deciding when to hang on or when to let go. I ALWAYS want to hang on. I equate hanging on with faithfulness which is an important character quality in my life.

I have been browsing ideas for Christmas, balancing working on the house, meditating on what is true and good, investing in others, and trying to keep my mind Christ centered. I find my mind drifts continually from one thing to another like a kite being blown around in a wind storm! I love my life. I love the gifts God has given me. I love my husband and children. I love knowing that He is in control. He is working in lives. I hope, I pray I am making the right choices at this time of my life. I do not want to violate Scripture truths or try to live according to my own wisdom. I need God!

Just One Touch

Yesterday did not go according to plan at all, my plan that is! I thought I was going to have a day of "house" projects, but one of the ladies was sick, and I needed to fill in. I was both excited and stressed. I love being a part of the prison ministry, but there is so much to be done here at the house. I hadn't gotten anything done on Wed., and we are so trying to make inspection right after Thanksgiving. Anyway.....I jumped up when I got the call and got real busy.

We started a correspondence Bible course for these ladies, well, not started really. Someone had mentioned the need, and our church had the resources available-we just had to tap into it. We had no idea what these ladies would do with this stuff, but third week in, we have about 13 faithfully doing their study. We had something like 15 more ask for the first one. The deal is they have to complete the first one to get the second one and so forth. They know this is not just literature we are handing out, but an opportunity for them to do a Bible study on their own. I am continually awed by the entire process, being there with these ladies, making these connections, sharing God's Word with them, and seeing them respond to it!

Ok so that is only part of my day; from there I go right to work at Sylvan. I had thought I would do that and then come home and get some work done, well, nope. I got a text from my friend reminding me that she was speaking at her ladies' monthly meeting and wanted me to come. She had invited me before, and I knew I needed to go, but Thursdays are soooooooooo hard! I toyed with it, weighed my options, knew I was tired, knew I needed to get some work done, knew my sister-in-law was cooking, but also knew my friend is so much more important than all that stuff-I went.

Her part was a testimony time for her to share what God has done in her life. I have known her for years so for me to hear where she is right now was an amazing thing. To see her standing up in front of these ladies talking from her heart, not hiding, not cowering, just sharing, was in itself amazing. I remember when she couldn't look people in the eyes. I know being up there was not easy for her to do. Although hesitant, a bit out of place since I don't go to church there, I was instantly glad I was there with her at that moment. My heart has been so burdened for the prison ministry and what she shared gave me such insight into what these other women are struggling with. Her testimony is not so unlike the story of the woman with an issue of blood for 12 years who just knew if she could but touch the hem of Jesus' garment, she could be healed. My friend had to but take that one step towards Jesus and let Him heal her; it was that first step that hindered her. One step and one touch, just one and we are surrounded by the consuming power of Jesus' healing. She shared what it was like to take that step and the battles she faced in her journey. I am so glad she did.

I thought about the devotion Max Lucado did on Mary, Martha, Lazarus. Lazarus was the trumpet-the one with an awesome testimony. We can't all be trumpets, my friend gets to be. She has a trumpet testimony. I don't. She ended her testimony time with a video clip of Nicole C. Mullen's song "One Touch" and an encouragement to those who plant seeds. We don't always see the fruit of our investment in the lives of others, but it doesn't mean there isn't any. I have to confess I was a bit jealous of those who got to share in that leg of her journey that I missed out on. I really kind of abandoned her, not being sure how to help her. Not the first time I have thrown my hands up in defeat. I felt like my efforts in her life were futile....I have felt like that many times in my life. Her words reminded me that God gives the increase, God does the work in lives, not us. All of these that have my heart, I lift up to Him, I give when He gives me opportunity, I share, I testify, I love-He does the rest...not up to me to bear fruit.

Friend, blow that trumpet....we all need to come to that place where we reach out for that one touch from our Savior!

Watch the video-One Touch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtPZuNab9UY

Happy Birthday To Me

I am really not into birthdays (for myself I mean), but had such a good day yesterday. My husband gave me a precious card first thing in the morning, and then I was off to see one of my dear friends. On the way, I made a few calls, texts, and prayed. My friend and I shared coffee and a coffee cake. She sang to me and gave me a sweet gift. It was a precious time. I left there to run an errand and prayed on the way. At lunch, my daughter gave me a really sweet frame/bulletin board which will be beautiful in our office. She always chooses a card that touches my heart, and I was truly blessed. Next, I ran to work. When I got to work, one of the girls had put a banner up with balloons and made brownies for all of us-too precious!

I received lots of calls, texts, and cards. The day really wasn't about all of that though-it was a peaceful day of prayer. I just couldn't help but pray, praise, and sing along with my whole heart to my God. No offense at those who didn't remember or towards those who only called out of obligation to do so....just quietness and trust in who my God is.

I arrived late to church because I got off late so was a little confused about the point. Wed. night sermons are about living in Canaan land (can never spell that). When he first started that series, the first night, I thought ok-but how do we get there? I certainly want to live like that, but how? Last night that became a little clearer. I kept thinking it was about putting off stuff, living in a Christlike pure way, that whole crucifying the old man, no this or that...and for the most part-that stuff hasn't been too hard for us, but that isn't Canaan land.

The clincher: "I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin." Romans 7:25

It is the battle in the mind that has hindered me. My mind never shuts up. It replays events, evaluates situations, reworks new and better scenarios...I just can't tell you how I wish it would be quiet once in awhile. The plus is-I am very visual so I can learn and memorize things quickly, the negative is-I dwell on things I couldn't change if I wanted to, but I usually want to, and usually try. Yesterday, my focus was on prayer and prayer for these God has put on my heart. I had lots of tear moments as I prayed, but not tears of grief, tears of joy and trust. My heart and mind was God focused yesterday and WHAT a great day I had.

Not Forsaken

My faith struggle is kind of like being on a roller coaster....at really high speed...one of my devotions this morning tells the story of a family's loss of two children to death, one at infancy and one during a high school football game. Last week at the prison ministry, my partner was tying my lesson together (she does that very well) and adding a bit to it with an illustration. She was talking about a death. While I was sitting there, I was thinking of not only my situation, but that of so many others I know. Losing a child in any respect feels an awful lot like the death of that child, except the pain of death is short, the pain of an alienated living child is ongoing day by day. I know parents who have grown children who have fallen into drugs, alcohol abuse, and homosexuality. Just yesterday I learned a little more about one very dear to my heart. I knew he was going down the wrong road, but not sure how far. He is a Christian kid with very precious parents, but has turned to hanging out in bars where he has met his current fiance. He has known her just a few months, she is substantially older than him, has a son from a previous relationship, and he has moved in with her. My heart sunk. I love this kid and have been praying for him and praying for him and praying for him. We have reached out to him over and over-that feels a bit futile right now. All of these that we have tried to reach that appear unreachable-the doors don't look open...and that creates a faith struggle. Where is God in this? Even when I ask that (whether out loud or not), I know He is there. This excerpt from this devotion speaks to just how I have felt....

"Shattered dreams are a part of life. Children die, husbands leave, jobs are lost, cancer tests come back positive, proposals are rejected, teenagers rebel, houses burn, terrorists attack, and the list goes on. Part of the pain is the feeling that God has forgotten us, grown deaf to our cries, or lost our address. Zion cried, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me" (Isaiah 49:14). David lamented, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent" (Psalm 22: 1, 2). Even Jesus called out from the cross, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46) I have cried, "Where are you, God? How could you do this to me? Have you forgotten all about me?" Then He answers, "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands" (Isaiah 49:15)."

More From the Girlfriends Today's devotion was taken from Sharon's book, Dreams of a Woman-God's Plan for Fulfilling your Dreams.

Getting outside of my world and hearing the hearts of other parents who are also struggling sure puts my life in better perspective. That is twice this week that I have heard someone else's story and understood their pain.

Lord, what can I ask for except for your will and grace? Lord, I am trusting you not only with my children, but with those of my dear friends. I lift up to you the two on my heart right now and their families. Lord, work in their lives and hearts to bring them back to you. I know your truth is in them, and your Word has been hidden in their hearts. Lord, bring that Word to their hearts today and remind them of how much you love them and how much you want an abundant life for them. Show them that they are exchanging your best for them for something of lesser value. Give their parents wisdom in knowing how to relate to them and how to encourage them in you. Remind us that you haven't forsaken us, that you know exactly where our children are and what it is going to take in their lives tho mold them into your image!

What We Are Made Of?

My pastor once said that adversity/trials reveal to ourselves what we are made of...God already knows, but He allows such things in our lives so we can come to the truth about who we are, what we need to change, where we need to grow, and definitely what we need to surrender over to Him! Adversity...know a little about that...it has indeed shown me what I am made of. It has revealed my strenghts and my weaknesses. Not only is my character challenged and brought into the light, so is my family's, and all the others who touch my life. I am getting to see what is real and what isn't. I am getting to see so clearly....a flood...water...life....the cleansing power of water, the healing ministry of the Holy Spirit. God how could I ask for more? How could I ever take for granted the depth of love you have for me such that you would bring into my life exactly what I need at any given moment to prune away that which hinders me from bearing fruit!

I have moments I want to drift back into what I was and hold on to those things I valued...but then I look around, and I remember. I sit with my sister-in-law or my brother, or my husband and we remember how far we have come. I have moments where I am feeling a little self-centered, loneliness or pity will wave over me, thoughts will rear up, and I start slipping into a life lived in the flesh....but then there is God. He draws my thoughts back to Him, and I know once again that He is in charge here and it is not about me, but about His grace being worked out in my life. What was I made of-me....what will I be made of-I hope just Jesus!

God's Protection

Power working-that is what we are up to these days! Our weeks are so full that we have to make up the time on the weekends. The past two weekends, we have gotten so much done on the house....there really may be light at the end of this tunnel!

Steve has been busy putting up trim around windows and doors, adding baseboards, installing doors, and then there is still demo to be done. He decided this weekend he was going to take out this door opening between the kitchen and dining room. He had to move the opening over about 6 inches which required bracing studs and rebuilding a header. All of which he and my brother accomplished with relative ease. It is dramatic what a difference that six inches makes in the space. Everything looks bigger!

Well, why he was in "demo" mode and had assistance....Todd was also here-I had a thought...can we go ahead and take down the Sheetrock between the two rooms? That wall which separates the living room, kitchen, and laundry room had two layers of Sheetrock between a set of fir strips. That really bugged me, because I knew the bottom part had gotten wet, and there was no way to get to the Sheetrock without removing the fir strips. The guys were game, and we got to it....which is where the story gets interesting.

When they got the layer of Sheetrock and fir strips down, they discovered a large molded area in the corner. We would have never known that was there. Bad news, a section of the ceiling has to come out, and we have to clean out some insulation in the attic to do that, but now we know and can fix it. Also behind that wall was some electrical wiring that was taped up. My brother tested it and discovered it was hot. So...floating around inside the wall, unbeknownst to us, was a dangling hot electrical wire! (It went no where, no electrical box, nothing)

Steve and I were discussing all our adventures on this project last night as we were putting up trim around a window....I was observing how much he has learned to do, and how much more I have been able to do than I could have ever imagined I could. As we chatted, we rehearsed all the stuff we have found behind walls...fire hazards...safety hazards...We were in danger every moment of the day and did not even know it. At any moment something in the wiring could have sparked and caught a stud on fire....and....imagination running wild.

Wow...how God has protected us even when we didn't know we needed to be protected. We know God by lots of names, my favorite has always been Jehovah-Jireh. God's provision and faithfulness has carried us through some of our hardest days. Through this experience, we are coming to know Him as our Protector. It really makes me wonder how many times in our lives did God intervene in ways beyond our comprehension to protect us? How many of those inconveniences, how many of those crisis'-car problems, plumbing problems, etc...hold ups in our schedule...were just God?

Hmmm...Praise God!

Coming soon....a finished room. All that is left in our office is the crown molding, painting of trim, and sealing floors. Pictures on their way.

Somewhere in Between

I went up to Centenary College yesterday to take my Praxis I (last test I need to pass before registering for the master's program!). Centenary was originally a Methodist college and still has some of its original religious base, howbeit it is now VERY liberal. They didn't rebuild the college; it has its original structures, which are absolutely beautiful. The building I was in had phrases etched into the floors right before the entry ways. I started out of the first floor which read "In the beginning, God." My second session was scheduled for the third floor, so I trekked up there. The floor there read, "Knock and it shall be opened." That made me wonder what was on the second floor, so I had to go look..."You are here to enrich the earth." Hmmmm.....so somewhere between God the creator, and God the Savior, I have a purpose...Between the beginning and the end...I was created to do something...to enrich the earth??? I am sure they chose those phrases and verses in reference to education; I however, read them another way. Yes, Education does open doors...and Yes, I should make a difference in my world....so I do agree...but not just on that level, on a deeper level...I want to impact my world for eternity. Whatever I achieve here on an educational level is temporal, whatever doors are opened to me here, are just tools to place where God has for me. They are opportunities not for personal advancement, but for something higher, something bigger than me. I am just a vapor in the wind....here today, gone tomorrow....what matters is what I allow Christ to do in me somewhere in between!

Next Book on the Reading List

http://www.maxlucado.net/shopping6.00/shopexd.asp?id=25779

Thinking this is going to be the next book on my reading schedule! I love Max Lucado...he writes on a Biblical topic in such a readable way that you have to stand back and go "ah." The online devotions I get from him have been excerts from this book. It is a book about Biblical personalities, and I am interested!

Hmmm..should finish Jumping Ship, the Lewis Carroll collection, and a new one by Emily Barnes I just picked up-Life Management for Busy Women (yep....that one sounds curious!). I do confess-I read several books at one time...which is probably weird to some, but because they aren't 'novels,' and cover totally different things, it is possible.

I snatch read, a little here and a little there. I am usually reading something classic and something about Christian living at any one time. Sometime during my chaotic day, I try to crawl into my private sanctuary-usually the bathtub, and slide right into another world.

Feels Like Chaos

After making the decision to change blog locations, to start anew, to move on, to change the focus of my mind...as hard as that all is...change is certainly never easy...a Sanctus Real song came on the radio. I keep the radio on Klove, in the vehicles and in the house. Music has kept me focused during all the difficulties of my life these past few months. "Whatever You're Doing" has been running through my mind all day today, as if God was taking time out from running the world to remind His struggling child that He is at work in my life. It feels like chaos, but...I surrender...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06AgY5Xoavw