Caitlyn gives me lots of times to slow down and ponder...just ponder. My schedule has completely changed to accommodate her. Here is how my day goes. She wakes up around 7 or 7:30. Papaw gets her out of the crib and she comes and hangs with me in my bed for a bit. He gets ready for work while her and I have a snack, play, and watch Disney.
After enough of that, we go get breakfast. While she is eating, I am cleaning up the kitchen. There is usually a bath in there and getting dressed and a morning nap. Then there is lunch, more playing, and another nap. We have splashed around in the pool, went for walks, and jumped on the trampoline. I can't wait to take her to the fountains and discover all kinds of adventures with her!
She is definitely an angel. We love that we get to share in this time of her life. God loves children. They are a promise. The light in their eyes when they laugh, the wonder and imagination as they try to figure things out, the spirit that radiates from their being are all amazing things to witness. What a privilege it is just to share in a child's life.
There have been moments in my life these past years where I have questioned myself, my motives, my parenting, my faith, my marriage, my relationships, and my life goals. I have allowed others criticism of me to undermined my confidence. I have given others permission to make me feel inferior. The truth is parenting is hard. No one really knows what to do. Just keeping up with what the doctors and specialists say could keep one busy for an eternity. They change their mind so regularly as to what is good for a child and what isn't-I KNOW they don't know either. What works one moment, doesn't work another. There is no real way to know how things are going to work out in the end, but what does matter is the investment. My husband and I were good parents, not perfect, but we did invest our lives in our children. We gave and gave and gave. They had our attention, our hearts, our commitment, our love and support. We went to ball games, concerts, fund raisers, took them to camp, to Six Flags, to museums, and to church-and how we prayed!
Caitlyn is such a beautiful angel...and we get to, don't have to, but get to play the part of grandparents in her life. She came unexpectedly and unplanned by us (not by God!), but we couldn't love her anymore if she was born of our blood then we do that she is born of our hearts. Our schedule revolves around her. Not a single things is planned without her in mind, a sacrifice we made willingly with our own children, and we make again for her. A high price, one that we get smile and giggle returns on, and the memory that we had this moment with her.
She has us rethinking what we are going to do with the rest of our lives...can't imagine right now doing "it" without her! Right now, wondering if she will let me paint her toenails...let's go see...
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