Sticks and Stones

I had a really rough day yesterday as I learned that another family felt the need to attack me. I am not counting at this point, but apparently it is quite sport for my family members who by the way haven't begun to walk a mile in my shoes to stand back in judgment of me. Whoever said sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me wasn't attacked verbally on a regular basis, I am sure of it, because words do hurt. What is so hard about being graceful? What is so hard about letting people live their own lives without spewing vomit all over them? I know...it is easier to point the finger at someone else, criticize them and their choices they are making then it is to look at our own lives and do something about ourselves. I am convinced that if we spent more time looking inward and less time looking outward that we would learn to live in grace, not condemnation.

After a tear filled day, an explosion venting moment which my dear little sister had to endure, some reflection and encouragement from my husband, and time to counsel with another friend of mine who knows all too well what judgment feels like, I have a better perspective. I opened my Bible today to read in Job. I read Job 19:2-4 "How long will ye vex my soul, and break me in pieces with words: These ten times have ye reproached me: ye are not ashamed that ye make yourselves strange to me. And be it indeed that I have erred, mine error remaineth with myself." How encouraged I am with the story of Job. Here he is sitting in sackcloth, having lost everything, completely miserable and instead of his friends and wife encouraging and supporting him, they are standing in judgment...as if they have a clue. I was instantly reminded that God exhorts us not to judge...why not?

We don't have the whole picture. When we judge, when we criticize, we become God. We elevate ourselves to a higher plane. We know better than that. We are smarter than that. I would NEVER do that (be careful with never). If I was in that situation I would do....and on and on and on...as if we have all the knowledge in the world. The things is, we don't. We don't know. We can't always see how the choices we make are going to turn out. We can't always make informed decisions because we don't have enough information. We don't know what we would do given those same set of circumstances. If you are going to judge me, first grow up in an abused home where sexual vulgarity, profanity, degradation, and physical abuse are the norm. Then try to escape that, run away and try to get your footing. Then get married at 17 with no clue on how to be a wife. Get saved and make a decision to live your life for Christ, praying in tears for your lost family. Desire to raise your children to serve the Lord, despite having no home training of your own to go on, no real relationship with your family members, go it alone, just you, your husband and Christ. Do everything you know how to do and then let your children go. Don't forget to struggle with that because letting go is easier said than done. Wrestle with the decisions that need to be made now that they are grown and try to grapple with your faith that is now seriously under fire. Consider abandoning that faith and contemplate what would life be like if you weren't around. Next, get it together, go on with your life, make commitments, decisions, pour your heart into everything you do, just to have your face slapped every time you speak, act, share your heart, or wait....when you actually disagree with someone or won't do what someone thinks you should. Now...when you have done all of that, plus juggling life demands, work, education, friendships, church ministries...and can make the right choice EVERY time, you are in a great place to stand in judgment of me.

Must be why God said judge not, because who else has lived my unique set of life circumstances? Who else has lived yours? And words...should exhort not tear down, lives should be lived in grace. We should be living in grace, extending it to those who least deserve it which certainly includes me.

For those who I know are reading this not because you want to share lives with other people but because you want something to criticize and judge, ...the rest of that verse says, judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in my brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye." Matthew 7:1-3

I can certainly testify that the verse is true. I went through the critical, judgmental, holier than thou phase, and I hurt people as a result, and although some I have been able to apologize too, the apologies haven't been accepted, hence doesn't even matter, and now...over and over and over....I am the object of judgment. It serves as a warning....you can keep judging me and criticizing me....but your day is coming, and it is going to be painful. Might want to deal with that beam in your own eye-taking it out is certainly less painful than the alternative.