Valleys

"Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strenghthened me..." II Timothy 4:17a

Oh how I need strength right now! The battles have been fierce-add that to an already tumultuous schedule, too much to do physically in the window it needs to be done, and the valley ever widens.

Sometimes it seriously feels like we are alone in this journey. My head tells my heart otherwise, but there are days when it is hard to tell who will get the victory-head or heart. My heart, the feeling part that never seems to shut up, reminds me of things said, things done, pain inflicted by me and on me, struggles for identity, searching for God's will, and mostly aloneness-until someone needs me....and then I am surrounded. When my heart is in control-I feel isolated, unloved, as if no one really cares about me and what I am going through. I feel like the world is crashing in, and I am without power to make a bit of difference in anyone's life-let alone keep mine heading in the right direction. When my head has control, the part that trusts God and knows truth. My will spurs me forward, trusting, believing, not seeing, not expecting anything in return, but knowing God knows and He sees.

Hence the conflict...I feel alone, although I am not. I feel as if I just can't take another step, yet, I know God can give me strength to get through. I want to quit, my God calls out to faint not. It feels like it doesn't matter-but I know it does. And here I find myself...wrestling with emotion and truth down in this valley, looking for a way to get back up on the mountain top.