Out of Brokenness

"He knew every tear I cried and out of those tears and brokenness has come the most effective and powerful chapter of my life! I have discovered that the more we are broken, the more we are used - because of grace. "



I was telling my friend, Kayla, the other day that getting my devotions in right now is a little tough. My day revolves around Caitlyn, and I haven't quite mastered my time management yet. When she is sleeping, I am scrambling to clean up and do those things I can't do when she is awake-like take a shower! Kayla said to do them online. Good idea considering I get several online devotions. I have been taking a bit of extra time to browse through those. This morning while Caitlyn was in my bed watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I read my online devotions-a line from which I quoted at the beginning. I grabbed my Bible and read Psalm 40:1-3

"I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear and shall trust in the Lord."



I woke up early this morning before Caitlyn woke up. I got my coffee and my Beth Moore. I have been working to stay faithful with that series, and up until yesterday was holding my own. Some days I squeeze it in while she is sleeping, other days I can't get it done till bedtime. Last night was one of those bedtime moments, but Caitlyn would not go to sleep. We were trying to settle her down so her mom could get a good night's sleep before starting her first day of work-no success. Her mom ended up having to drive her around to get her to settle down enough to go to sleep! To make a long story short, I missed a day in my series and had to make it up this morning which I did first thing.

It is much later now, after cleaning up, getting Caitlyn taken care of and down for a morning nap. My instinct was to scramble...but God called to my heart. I stopped, went to my room, cleaned up in there and sat down with my Bible to do the day's devotion. I need time with God if I am going to be who He wants me to be!

This devotional is bringing to light some things I needed in my life. It wasn't by accident that my online devotion today was right in line with what I am doing with this Beth Moore. The last several days, I have been reading about Joseph and his "pit" situation. His brothers threw him in a pit because of their jealousy. He found himself in a pit not of his doing; he was innocent; he was a victim. He could have allowed that situation to make him angry, but instead he trusted God's work in his life. Hmmm....I have found myself in similar pits...ones I fell into, ones I was thrown into by an unjust criticism, a bitter accusation, a harsh judgment...and usually from someone related to me. They go on with their lives after their venom has done its damage just like Joseph's brothers did. They feel justified-after all, don't we all have the right to express how we feel? I have heard that argument-ALOT. The problem with that argument is it comes from people who are only concerned with how they feel-not with how anyone else feels. Yes, I would say, you do have the right to express how you feel-but so does everyone else.

I have been broken for a long time. I have allowed someone else to be in control of my emotions. I have allowed my insecurity to place me in a position of compromise and validation. I have discovered that I have indeed been in a pit, not one of my making, but one I succumbed to willingly. Today, the focus was on forgiveness. Joseph forgave his brothers. Not forgiving means wallowing in self-pity, anger, bitterness, helplessness, all amidst the muck and mire. Forgiving means healing for me and my relationship with my Heavenly Father. It isn't about justifying someone else's actions, understanding those actions, or even coming to terms with them, it means letting go, not for them or because of them, but for me. I so needed that reminder. I needed to remember what forgiveness really is and what it is really about. Allowing that to wash over means God is at work in me and in my brokenness; He will reveal His grace!

No more trying to come to terms with it, figure it out, make sense of it, justify or validate, just forgiveness and grace. God knows where I am, how I got here, and where He wants me to be. He is the one at work. He is the one that matters. He has seen every tear, and He is setting my feet on a solid rock and putting a new song in my heart!